Tag Archives: abuse

Just A Kid!


I’m just a kid, so they say,
I won’t understand, they always state,
Just let him be, their abandonment of me,
Give him time, to disappear no doubt.

You think us less, and treat us best,
You try to mould, our minds won’t rest,
You raised us up, from infant to teens,
You are the Home, we’ve always known.

But in our teens, we start to fight,
We bite and rage, unafraid of age,
We speak our minds, we show no care,
You lose control, and fear the trolls.

We have the future, within our palms,
From Facebook to Twitter, the world so large,
We see the evil, within ourselves,
We start to stress, life’s pressured to oppress.

It was not smart, to gift me a phone,
The pain of porn, the violence on YouTube,
The ugliness of Instagram, self harm on Tictok,
I cannot breathe, within my skin.

I’m just a kid, that broke too soon,
I learned to lie, took drugs to die,
I drank more alcohol, black eyes on ice,
Few cuts to prove it, online they love it.

I posted this photo, taken by Kelly,
It shows my good side, without the dramas,
The masses adore it, inside I hate it,
He’s a good kid, my mum declares it,
Shame we don’t talk, why won’t they HELP ME?

By Julius Fa
©2021

A Father’s Silence.


It wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t cope,
I did my best, her health was pressed,
She failed to see, the beauty in three,
She opened that door, this family she left,
Our children were young, her feelings grew cold.

It was a test, I told myself,
To raise her kids, alone and poor,
No time for petty, no time for wishes,
I had to work, two feed them well,
I learned to cook, and sew and more.

The boys were tough, at times too rough,
They cried for mum, but learned to love,
They grew up quicker, by ten their men,
Without the norm, they stood by me,
They cherish my stay, surrending their youth.

My angel was tougher, a daughter so needy,
She hungered for mum, afraid of fun,
Bullied at school, she stuck to books,
Escaping the norm, learning to belong,
I gave her my all, attentions and hugs.

Many years past, two jobs my curse,
Higher they rose, brighter they shone,
Glory within, tears down my chin,
Burning with hate, given this fate,
Wasn’t her fault, she wasn’t their mum.

A soldier is born, a second commands,
At college they ruled, giving life a chance,
A father so proud, his daughter a nurse,
The children aged three, now adults at last,
I sit down to reflect, still tearful within.

Thank you my love, a mum you still are,
You gave us a gift, three angels of God,
The stresses of motherhood, made you depart,
I dare not reveal it, for these children are my heart,
In silence I suffered, in our daughter you stayed.

By Julius Fa
©2021

Trapped behind this door.


Where is the days? Where is the nights?
Behind these walls, I sense all is lost,
Time forgot me, sanity denies me.
This pandemic haunts me, fear holds me.

I have no friends, I lost my job,
I hate to Zoom, I’ll rather die,
My boss was wrong, to end my furlough,
The greed of men, my mental self cries.

I weigh too much, I will not eat,
This room is ugly, inside am lonely,
My stomach aches, for food no doubt,
Leave me alone dad, and mum get out, This room is lovely, it’s me whose ugly.

This isn’t me, it isn’t fair,
I curse this Covid, for stealing my mind,
I had few friends, a job I loved,
Freedom to live, my life was good,
But now we’re caged, this lockdown my rage.

I walk this garden, I see this door,
It’s locked always, no key is found,
It’s covered with weed, am frozen with fear,
My mouth is sealed, I can’t call out,
The number beside, the date I died.

By Julius Fa
©2021

Daughter’s request of a father.


It’s time to ask, this dad of mine,

To set it straight, my wounds to heal,

What truly happened, to mum that Summer,

To walk away, from us her family.

For twenty long years, my life on hold,

Seeking answers to questions, to one dare ask,

Dad raised a family, my brothers and I,

Never wanting to say it, her name that is.

I’ve heard his tears, and seen his scars,

Each night he broke, his heart couldn’t sleep,

He wore a smile, to show he’s brave,

He worked two jobs, to keep us safe.

Each birthday a cake, each milestone was bliss,

Never hurting to show, the love he gave freely,

He wanted us whole, never lacking a mother,

He raised two soldiers, and I a nurse.

It was this Easter, within this pandemic,

I braved the cold, he’s now so old,

What truly happened? That made her leave?

He looked at me, and said “she’s still here.”

by Julius Fa

©2021

Won’t Laugh.


Is it me or does it seems no one cares about this virus. Nations are struggling and the environment is better or improved for the short time at least. The rich still blessed and the poor still blessed but in a different way. Can’t deny that sense of fear that stares you in the face when you look at other people. They seem lost and afraid to laugh and make a sound, coughing is out of the question. Sneering can get you arrested and to shout or raise a voice could get you sectioned for mental health. Our safety isn’t in our own hands it seems, trusting others now our daily norm. The leaders elected seem to be the failures we dare not show in public. Try not to laugh at their indecisions, and stay blessed and alert of course.

By Julius Fa

©2020

Here we are.


We are together again after months of self isolation, and longing for freedom to be able to go outside and walk the walk of modern times. The streets are quiet, the way is long. It feels like eternity on hold and life reborn. The scary journey to the supermarket, the long queues of masked faces and glove wearing hands. The look of confusion and trying to understand this new age of humanity, fought with death and mental health challenges. I am fearful for the victims of domestic violence, now locked in with their abusers and with very little freedom within. The air now we fear for the virus it carries, the world in isolation has countries and economies stand still. The rich still rich and the poor even poorer and beyond desperate. Here we are in this 2020, where are you?

By Julius Fa

©2020

Gone.


The world laughs, when people fear. They hunt for a better tomorrow, during this fearful present, the news of virus feels every city and country. Nations stand alone, the world stands divided. All seems lost, minds are tired and the will to fight wasted. The vulnerable are forgotten and help seems far and wide, loneliness has now become their Master. Help only limited to the broken few, almost 200,000 infected, feels like a million to be real. Governments now exposed, their failures laid bare. Who do you follow, who will help you? I am but gone, gone too far.

By Julius Fa

©2020

Not The Same


You changed my nature, with all your crap. Each day a trail to cope and bear, no sanity in you. Just anger and bitterness, I don’t understand you, because all you do is strange to me.

You shout when talking and command when losing, afraid to moan I lower my voice and watch. You are apart from time and space, I know nothing you say.

You scheme like your name. I am not like you, and will never cave in my name. Let God decide, which date our fate presides.

By Julius Fa

© March 2020

Welcome


It’s not the same, those wise men said, it’s all renewed, the walls we built, for years we broke down the walls hate built, desperate for freedom, two millions did die.

We take things for granted, these modern times fail, to learn from the past, wars still now rage. More bodies have fallen, too many now broken, leaders still stand lying, humanity sits down dying.

What truth do you believe, which side did you vote for, our planet is crying, our climate is changing, my people are hungry, your landfills are full. My continent is trapped, your democracy is crap.

They said it couldn’t happen again, the weapons of old renewed and tested, the dictators have fallen, arise the conquerors, just one push of the button sends everyone running.

By Julius Fa

© March 2020

Too Much Data


We live each day surrounded by data, we give our names and dates and all. Your happy Facebook and sweet Instagram profiles, unaware the dangers they pose. We absolve the many images and information they give, the sights and sounds of every bit around our world. The sad and twisted sights of hate, the dreamy lies of love, the dark side of desperation. Depression never too far behind, loneliness pulled over your eyes. We live each day with data, maybe time to turn that data away.

By Julius Fa

© February 2020