Tag Archives: blog

I wasn’t ready.


It’s no one’s fault, but mine alone,

The trials of life, soon disappeared,

Alone at night, put fear aside,

The bitter facts, that all men lie,

A bold denial, my tears flow miles.

I ran so hard, this race called life,

I spread my wings, grew up too quick,

Surrounded by friends, from college to graduation,

I grabbed each opportunity firmly, both hands gripped tightly.

It happened at three, that weekend it rained,

We gathered to party, after weeks of working,

Invited to Camden, a jazz bar and restaurant,

We totaled eight, four men with their lies.

Drinks flowed from the bar, mastercard on tap,

Men flirted with danger, women lingered in laughter,

Dinner deliciously digested, jazz smoothed our souls,

Sexy atmosphere around us, pretty drunk I sounded.

My boss stuck to my side, his hands wearing his vows,

He planted his hands, upon my knees,

I wasn’t ready and froze, his lips planted a kiss,

My mind lost in confusion, my body seeking translation,

This kiss opened a chapter, his lips broken my walls,

Sadness crept inside me, anger turned on and bite me,

I pulled away from him, the slap was well deserved,

I grew up way to quick, this story, his kiss was not my click.

By Julius Fa

A Father’s Silence.


It wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t cope,
I did my best, her health was pressed,
She failed to see, the beauty in three,
She opened that door, this family she left,
Our children were young, her feelings grew cold.

It was a test, I told myself,
To raise her kids, alone and poor,
No time for petty, no time for wishes,
I had to work, two feed them well,
I learned to cook, and sew and more.

The boys were tough, at times too rough,
They cried for mum, but learned to love,
They grew up quicker, by ten their men,
Without the norm, they stood by me,
They cherish my stay, surrending their youth.

My angel was tougher, a daughter so needy,
She hungered for mum, afraid of fun,
Bullied at school, she stuck to books,
Escaping the norm, learning to belong,
I gave her my all, attentions and hugs.

Many years past, two jobs my curse,
Higher they rose, brighter they shone,
Glory within, tears down my chin,
Burning with hate, given this fate,
Wasn’t her fault, she wasn’t their mum.

A soldier is born, a second commands,
At college they ruled, giving life a chance,
A father so proud, his daughter a nurse,
The children aged three, now adults at last,
I sit down to reflect, still tearful within.

Thank you my love, a mum you still are,
You gave us a gift, three angels of God,
The stresses of motherhood, made you depart,
I dare not reveal it, for these children are my heart,
In silence I suffered, in our daughter you stayed.

By Julius Fa
©2021

Trapped behind this door.


Where is the days? Where is the nights?
Behind these walls, I sense all is lost,
Time forgot me, sanity denies me.
This pandemic haunts me, fear holds me.

I have no friends, I lost my job,
I hate to Zoom, I’ll rather die,
My boss was wrong, to end my furlough,
The greed of men, my mental self cries.

I weigh too much, I will not eat,
This room is ugly, inside am lonely,
My stomach aches, for food no doubt,
Leave me alone dad, and mum get out, This room is lovely, it’s me whose ugly.

This isn’t me, it isn’t fair,
I curse this Covid, for stealing my mind,
I had few friends, a job I loved,
Freedom to live, my life was good,
But now we’re caged, this lockdown my rage.

I walk this garden, I see this door,
It’s locked always, no key is found,
It’s covered with weed, am frozen with fear,
My mouth is sealed, I can’t call out,
The number beside, the date I died.

By Julius Fa
©2021

Daughter’s request of a father.


It’s time to ask, this dad of mine,

To set it straight, my wounds to heal,

What truly happened, to mum that Summer,

To walk away, from us her family.

For twenty long years, my life on hold,

Seeking answers to questions, to one dare ask,

Dad raised a family, my brothers and I,

Never wanting to say it, her name that is.

I’ve heard his tears, and seen his scars,

Each night he broke, his heart couldn’t sleep,

He wore a smile, to show he’s brave,

He worked two jobs, to keep us safe.

Each birthday a cake, each milestone was bliss,

Never hurting to show, the love he gave freely,

He wanted us whole, never lacking a mother,

He raised two soldiers, and I a nurse.

It was this Easter, within this pandemic,

I braved the cold, he’s now so old,

What truly happened? That made her leave?

He looked at me, and said “she’s still here.”

by Julius Fa

©2021

Sense


I see no sense, I can’t pretend,

The days are short, and the hours fly past,

I saw some snow, after five long years,

It melts my heart, I shed some tears,

Within these walls, my sanity lies broken,

Each memory is daunting, each day I suffer,

This lockdown won’t stop, each nightmare I make,

Dreams fail me, and words torment me,

My past neglects me, my present abuses me, don’t ask about the future,

Time is lost, for me it seems,

Hours and years, feels much the same,

Should I beg, should I wait,

Nothing but longing, hoping for Grace.

By Julius Fa

©2021

Won’t Laugh.


Is it me or does it seems no one cares about this virus. Nations are struggling and the environment is better or improved for the short time at least. The rich still blessed and the poor still blessed but in a different way. Can’t deny that sense of fear that stares you in the face when you look at other people. They seem lost and afraid to laugh and make a sound, coughing is out of the question. Sneering can get you arrested and to shout or raise a voice could get you sectioned for mental health. Our safety isn’t in our own hands it seems, trusting others now our daily norm. The leaders elected seem to be the failures we dare not show in public. Try not to laugh at their indecisions, and stay blessed and alert of course.

By Julius Fa

©2020

Is It Time?


Is it time yet? I ask myself each day, what’s the world coming to. When lives are lost and creation resents itself for awhile at least. The air is cleaner and the silence deafening, people so few and streets staved. This new decade writes its own rules and commands respect, whilst denying human freedom. Sit at home rings the daily political briefs, save lives the common tone. Seems to me we have not long left, but that’s just doubt talking, hope gone walking and faith stilling holding. Is it time yet? The question we all one day will ask ourselves.

By Julius Fa

©2020

Here we are.


We are together again after months of self isolation, and longing for freedom to be able to go outside and walk the walk of modern times. The streets are quiet, the way is long. It feels like eternity on hold and life reborn. The scary journey to the supermarket, the long queues of masked faces and glove wearing hands. The look of confusion and trying to understand this new age of humanity, fought with death and mental health challenges. I am fearful for the victims of domestic violence, now locked in with their abusers and with very little freedom within. The air now we fear for the virus it carries, the world in isolation has countries and economies stand still. The rich still rich and the poor even poorer and beyond desperate. Here we are in this 2020, where are you?

By Julius Fa

©2020

Beneath The Heavens


Traveling the world

I met them here, beneath the stars,

The tables were laid, the beauty is real,

My dreams come true, my doubts take flight,

No reason for crying, deep joy and happiness,

Surrounded by love, forgetting this virus,

United we are, stay safe under heaven.

By Julius Fa

©2020

Cost You Nothing


Patterns

What does it cost, to let go of fear and love.

Too much taken, very little given back.

We are a product of doubt, longing to be freed within.

Society more complex and twisted, the norm of today was banned 30 years ago.

What the young celebrate now, was the shameful hindrance of yester years.

Acceptance is the new gang, wanting to belong to a group or any existence at all.

I want to be acknowledged and hate to be ignored.

By Julius Fa

© March 2020